You Called It Burnout. But You Were Grieving.
Why the exhaustion you feel isn’t about energy—it’s about identity.
I used to call it burnout.
But what I was really feeling… was grief.
Not the kind that comes with loss.
The kind that comes with finally realizing how long you’ve been performing a version of yourself that the world loved—but you didn’t.
There was a moment I sat in my car after work, staring at the steering wheel, completely numb.
I wasn’t just tired or overwhelmed by tasks or deadlines.
I was hollow from pretending.
Pretending to care.
Pretending to agree.
Pretending to be “fine.”
That day, I realized I wasn’t burned out from doing too much. I was grieving who I had to become just to survive in rooms that never saw the real me.
Burnout isn’t always about output.
Sometimes it’s about misalignment.
Sometimes it’s about the identity fatigue of always being “on” for approval, survival, or someone else’s expectations.
You don’t just get tired from overworking.
You get tired from over-performing.
Especially when the applause keeps you trapped.
If you’ve ever:
Stopped recognizing the person in the mirror
Wondered why “success” feels so empty
Felt guilt for resenting the life you worked so hard to build
…you’re not alone.
You’re not ungrateful.
You’re not lazy.
You’re just waking up and what you’re feeling isn’t failure. It’s grief.
Grieving the time.
Grieving the masks.
Grieving the version of you that helped you survive—but no longer helps you thrive.
But naming it isn’t enough.
The real shift comes when you finally let go of who you had to be—and start choosing who you really are.
That’s what I’ll walk you through next. 👇🏾
(The section below is usually for paid subscribers, but since the note that inspired this post resonated with so many, I decided to make it available to everyone.) Feel free to upgrade to paid if you want access to the application section of future posts
Why Grief Shows Up as Burnout
Most high achievers were conditioned to:
Be the “strong one”
Keep the peace
Get the gold star
So we became masterful at performing stability even while unraveling inside.
That’s not just exhausting.
That’s identity erosion.
Burnout isn’t always about the work.
Sometimes it’s about the version of yourself you had to keep performing to feel safe, worthy, or good.
Application: The Untrapped Decision Filter™
Pause and ask:
Does this version of me fuel or fracture my energy?
Does this identity honor my values—or protect my image?
Does this routine respect my capacity?
Is this who I’m becoming—or who I’ve been expected to be?
Write down what comes up. You may find you’re mourning an entire persona—not just a job or title.
Reflection Prompt
What version of yourself did the world clap for—but you never truly liked?
Give yourself permission to let her (or him) rest and let go. You don’t have to carry it all anymore.
Affirmation
I am not burned out.
I am breaking free.
I am allowed to choose truth over performance.
To choose alignment over applause.
Grief is not the end—it’s the beginning of my becoming.
This is just one piece of what we unpack in Get Untrapped™ Live—a program for high-achieving professionals ready to stop performing and start living in alignment.
If this post hit you deep, you’re not just stuck. You’re ready.
This is a beautiful piece, I truly resonates with it. I hit that burnout in 2023, it's been 2 years of letting go and resetting.
I can relate to this. Thank you for sharing!