Wounds That Built This Work — Part 3
How people-pleasing became my survival language—and what it took to unlearn it
This is Part 3 of a 5-part series called The Wounds That Built This Work—a raw look at the life stories that shaped me and the decision traps I had to break free from.
Get Untrapped™ isn’t just a publication…
it’s the blueprint of how I had to save my own life.
I can still feel it in my body—the way I used to adjust everything about myself to make sure no one around me felt uncomfortable.
My words? Filtered.
My tone? Softened.
My posture? Slouched.
It didn’t matter if I was talking to my father, my ex-husband, a boss, or a coworker.
I moved through life like I was walking on eggshells, carefully measuring every move so I wouldn’t upset anyone or make things “awkward.”
At the time, I thought it made me a good wife.
A loyal daughter.
A team player.
Easy to work with. I thought I was keeping the peace.
But the truth?
I was draining myself dry trying to manage everyone else’s comfort—because deep down, I was terrified of disapproval.
The Decision I Didn’t Know I Was Making
I wasn’t just afraid of conflict. I was afraid of what conflict might cost me—rejection, disapproval, being seen as “too much” or “too difficult.” I didn’t know then that this wasn’t peacekeeping. It was survival.
My nervous system had been trained for people-pleasing.
Not connection.
Not authenticity.
Just… survival.
I’d learned to scan every room for signs of tension, discomfort, or disappointment and to adjust myself before anyone else had a chance to feel them.
Not because I wanted to.
Because I felt like I had to.
Why We Shrink Without Realizing
What I was experiencing—and maybe you’ve felt it too—was something called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). It’s a heightened, often overwhelming emotional response tied to the fear of rejection, criticism, or failure.
For me, it showed up as an intense need to avoid disapproval at all costs.
Then there’s the Fawning Response—a trauma response where we subconsciously over-please, over-agree, or over-accommodate in hopes of staying safe or liked.
And let’s not forget Conditioned Approval-Seeking—when getting validation stops being a preference and starts feeling like a survival need.
If you’ve ever found yourself biting your tongue, softening your truth, or holding yourself back just to avoid making someone else uncomfortable…
You’re not broken.
You’re not weak.
You’ve just learned a pattern that once helped you survive—but now keeps you stuck.
What Helped Me Break Free
The shift didn’t happen overnight. But little by little, I started to see the difference between discomfort and danger. I began to understand that other people’s feelings aren’t my responsibility.
That conflict isn’t inherently bad.
That not everyone’s going to approve of me—and that’s okay.
One of the biggest turning points? Getting diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD.
It gave me language for a lifelong wound I’d never been able to name.
With that language came clarity—and permission—to start rewriting the story.
The Truth I’m Living Now
I’m learning that I don’t have to over explain to feel safe.
I don’t have to be agreeable to be worthy.
And I don’t have to manage the emotional temperature of every room I walk into.
These days, I take up more space—not because I’ve stopped caring, but because I finally understand that peace isn’t something I create for others.
It’s something I cultivate for myself. That’s what healing really feels like:
Coming home to yourself after years of living as someone’s version of “enough.”
If this spoke to you, tell me:
→ Where are you learning to stop managing others’ comfort and start protecting your own peace?
→ What would it look like for you to stop walking on eggshells and start standing on solid ground?