You can do the work in private.
You can write the draft in private. You can build the lesson in private. You can outline the talk in private.
But when it is time to publish, something changes. Even if you are alone in your house, the room changes. Because now someone else can see it.
That is why you can be one click away from sharing and suddenly feel the urge to reopen the document, adjust the wording, add “one more” point, or clean up the intro again.
Not because you are lazy.
Because visibility has picked up meaning.
What you think it means determines what you do next
Psychologists Richard Lazarus and Susan Folkman describe cognitive appraisal as “the process of categorizing an encounter, and its various facets, with respect to its significance for well-being.”
Here’s my interpretation:
Right before you publish, your mind is not just looking at your work. Your mind is categorizing the moment.
Safe
Risky
When the moment gets categorized as risky, you do what most humans do.
You reach for control.
Editing is a form of control.
So is delaying.
So is over-preparing.
So is keeping things “open” so you do not have to take the risk of being seen.
This is why publishing feels heavier than writing. Writing stays inside your control. Publishing hands your work over to the world.
What “risky” sounds like in your head
Most women do not freeze because the work is unclear. They freeze because visibility has picked up one of these meanings.
1) “They’ll think I don’t know what I’m talking about.”
This meaning is trying to protect you from being judged as incompetent.
What it looks like: you over-explain, add extra points, add extra proof, or keep editing so you feel covered.
A truer meaning you can use: “I can make one clear point and stand behind it. If someone questions it, I can clarify.”
2) “I’ll be ignored.”
This meaning is trying to protect you from the feeling of wasted effort.
What it looks like: you hesitate to share because you do not want silence to sting.
A truer meaning you can use: “Silence is not a verdict. My job is to release, not get an immediate response.”
3) “Someone may be offended.”
This meaning is trying to protect you from conflict, being misunderstood, or being labeled.
What it looks like: you soften your message until it barely says anything.
A truer meaning you can use: “I can be clear and respectful. I cannot control every reaction.”
None of these meanings make you a problem. They make you human.
But if you do not name the meaning, it will run the whole release process.
If you only take one thing from the free section, take this: your freeze has meaning behind it. If you want the tool that helps you change that meaning in real time, the rest of this post is for paid subscribers.
