The Overgiving Trap
The holiday isn’t what exhausts you — the expectations are.
Trap Therapy™ is the weekly interruption your protective patterns didn’t ask for — but desperately need if you’re done abandoning yourself.
You’re standing in the kitchen (again).
Someone asks,
“Do you need help?”
You smile and say,
“No, I’ve got it.”
But your body whispers:
I’m tired.
You refill the glasses.
You check the timing.
You anticipate needs before anyone names them.
People call it generosity.
But inside, it feels like obligation dressed as care.
This week’s trap: Believing you must carry everything to be valued.
The Pattern
Here’s the pattern I see:
You take responsibility for the atmosphere.
For the food.
For the tone.
For everyone’s comfort.
For the experience.
And when someone finally sits, relaxes, and compliments how “effortless” it all feels?
You nod and say thank you —
while holding a to-do list only you can see.
Meanwhile your own needs stay last — or never.
Because somewhere inside, you believe:
If I make it easier for everyone else, I’ll belong.
Why We Fall for It
You didn’t choose this pattern — it was programmed into you.
Somewhere along the way:
praise felt like approval
being needed felt like connection
self-sacrifice felt like love
rest felt like laziness
asking for help felt like burdening someone
And because it worked — or kept the peace — it became identity.
Smart people get stuck when fear sounds like logic.
The Psychology Behind It
When the brain associates safety with being agreeable, helpful, or self-erasing, receiving feels threatening — even when support is available.
The nervous system interprets:
“Let me help you.”
as:
“You’re failing.”
So you keep doing —not because you want to…
…but because stopping feels unfamiliar.
This isn’t selfishness versus generosity.
It’s conditioning versus choice.
The Shift
The work isn’t becoming less caring —
it’s learning that your worth isn’t measured in labor.
You don’t need to earn connection through exhaustion.
You don’t need more confidence —
you need permission to honor your own limits.
Want the Next Step?
If this trap feels painfully accurate,
this week’s Get Untrapped Playbook™ will teach you:
how to interrupt the overgiving reflex
how to ask for help without apologizing
how to set boundaries calmly
how to receive support without guilt
and how to let rest be allowed — not earned
Paid members get the Playbook and this week’s Trust Experiment on Thursday.
Free subscribers will get access to some of the playbook as a token of appreciation🖤
Reflection Prompt
Where did you learn that love meant overextending yourself?
Trust what you know.
Lead yourself forward.
— Shannon 🖤