The Projection Trap
How unhealed wounds spill into parenting and burden children with battles that aren’t theirs.
It shows up in the smallest ways.
A child hesitates before speaking — and suddenly you snap, because their hesitation reminds you of your own childhood fear of “saying the wrong thing.”
Or your teenager pulls back for space, and instead of seeing normal growth, you feel rejected because it echoes the abandonment you’ve carried for years.
That’s the Projection Trap.
Where It Comes From
Projection happens when we unconsciously place our own unhealed wounds onto our kids.
It’s not intentional.
It’s not malicious.
It’s what trauma does. It wires us to anticipate pain, and then we see that pain everywhere, even in our children’s behavior.
If you grew up silenced, you may overreact when your child challenges you.
If you lived through neglect, your child’s independence may feel like rejection.
If you endured constant criticism, you may push your child too hard to “get it right.”
In each case, you’re not just responding to your child, you’re responding to your history.
The Trap: Making Kids Carry Our Baggage
This trap is dangerous because it blurs the line between their story and ours.
We expect them to fix what we lost.
We discipline them for triggering our pain, not their behavior.
We shape them in reaction to our wounds instead of their needs.
And without realizing it, we hand them burdens that were never theirs to carry.
My Life In This Trap
I’ve done this too. My own unhealed wounds sometimes crept into my parenting — moments when my kids’ normal growing pains felt like personal attacks.
Their distance felt like rejection. Their mistakes felt like reflections of me.
I had to face the truth: they weren’t rejecting me, failing me, or trying to hurt me.
They were simply being children — and I was filtering them through my scars.
I lost time and tenderness to this trap. But through therapy and reflection, I’ve learned to pause and ask:
Is this about them — or about me?
That single question has saved me from placing my baggage on their backs.
A Gentler Way Forward
You don’t have to project your wounds onto your children. You can learn to separate your story from theirs:
Notice your triggers. When your reaction feels outsized, ask where it’s coming from.
Own your feelings. Say, “This reminds me of…” instead of blaming the child.
Seek healing. The more you tend to your own wounds, the less they bleed into your parenting.
Your kids deserve to live their own story…not relive yours.
Reflection Prompt
What part of your past tends to echo in your parenting? And what would it look like to pause and let your child’s story be theirs, not a replay of yours?
Inside the Get Untrapped™ community, we name these traps together and learn gentler ways forward — so we can give our kids freedom from battles that were never theirs to fight. Join us to continue this inner work.