If You Do 3 or More of These, You’re Not Fine. You’re Trapped
If your life works on paper but you feel stuck in practice, these seven signs aren’t random.
You know that line you give people when they ask how you’re doing?
“I’m fine. Just tired.”
This post is for the part of you that knows that’s not true.
Because if you do three or more of the things I’m about to name, you’re not just “tired,” “busy,” or “going through a season.”
You’re trapped.
Not trapped in a dungeon.
Trapped in a life that technically works but quietly requires you to abandon yourself to keep it going.
Let’s name it.
What I Mean by “Trapped”
Trapped doesn’t mean:
You hate everything.
You’re failing at life.
You’re in constant crisis.
Trapped means:
The life you built is only sustainable if you keep ignoring your own instincts—your body wisdom, intuition, desire, and inner “no.”
You survive by self-silencing, over-giving, or staying “low-maintenance”, even when you know better.
You keep choosing what looks responsible over what feels right.
On the outside, you’re the capable one.
On the inside, you feel like you keep disappearing in the exact moments where you need yourself most.
So let’s cut through the fog.
If you do 3 or more of the seven things below on
a regular basis, you’re not fine. You’re trapped.
1. You rehearse conversations in your head—but go quiet in real life
You play out what you wish you could say:
to your boss
to your partner
to your friends
to your family
You deliver whole speeches in the shower.
You craft perfect clapbacks in the car.
But when the moment comes?
You suppress it.
You smooth it over.
You tell yourself, “It’s not worth the drama.”
Your voice is loudest in your imagination and most muted when it actually counts.
Untrapped Truth: If your honesty only feels safe in your head, you’re not fine. You’re trapped in self-silencing.
2. You ask three or more people for their opinion before every big decision
You crowdsource your life.
Before you:
apply for the role
move to a new city
end the relationship
raise your rates
launch the thing
…you run it through a panel:
“What do you think?”
“Be honest.”
“Tell me if I’m tripping.”
By the time you’re done collecting everyone else’s input, your own voice is so faint you don’t even know what you think anymore.
Advice isn’t the problem.
The problem is you don’t know how to move without it.
Untrapped Truth: If every decision needs a committee, you’re not fine.
You’re trapped in external authority.
3. Your body relaxes when you imagine quitting—but you call it “just a fantasy”
You’ve had that moment.
You picture:
walking away from the job
not renewing the lease
ending the situationship
stepping down from the role everyone depends on you for
…and for a split second, your shoulders drop.
You exhale.
Your jaw unclenches.
Then your brain slams on the brakes:
“Be serious.”
“You can’t just do that.”
“That’s not realistic.”
You treat your own relief like a problem to solve.
Your body is trying to tell you the truth.
You keep gaslighting it back into place.
Untrapped Truth: If peace feels like a fantasy and anxiety feels like “normal,” you’re not fine. You’re trapped in a nervous system that thinks stress is home.
4. You rely on “It’s not that bad” more than “This isn’t okay with me”
This one is sneaky.
You explain away discomfort like it’s your side hustle:
“They’re not a bad person. I’m just sensitive.”
“This company has done a lot for me.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“At least I have a job / partner / community.”
You keep minimizing your pain down to something manageable so you don’t have to confront the full weight of it.
“Not that bad” becomes the bar you measure everything against.
But “not that bad” is not the same as “true to me.”
Untrapped Truth: If the main argument for staying is “it’s not that bad,” you’re not fine. You’re trapped in low expectations.
5. You only let yourself want things you can justify
You edit your desires before they even form a full sentence.
You don’t say:
“I want to earn more so I have options.”
“I want less responsibility at work.”
“I want love that actually feels like rest.”
You say:
“As long as it makes sense.”
“As long as it doesn’t rock the boat.”
“As long as it doesn’t make anyone else uncomfortable.”
You let logistics lead and bury your longing under spreadsheets and pros-and-cons lists.
You refuse to want anything that doesn’t come with a clean, socially acceptable explanation.
Untrapped Truth: If you need a legal brief to defend every desire, you’re not fine. You’re trapped in performative “reasonableness.”
6. You’re exhausted by the life you worked hard to build
You did everything you were supposed to do.
Got the education.
Got the job.
Got the certifications.
Got the responsibilities.
Now your calendar is full, your résumé is stacked… and you feel numb.
You look at the life you built and think, “Is this it?”
And then you shame yourself for even thinking that:
“I should be grateful.”
“A lot of people would love to have what I have.”
You confuse gratitude with permission to outgrow anything.
Untrapped Truth: If gratitude is keeping you in places that drain you, you’re not fine. You’re trapped in a gratitude trap.
7. You feel more loyalty to your obligations than to your own aliveness
You’ll contort yourself to keep your commitments:
stay at the job that’s eating you alive
maintain family roles that flatten you
hold up friendships that only work if you dim
You tell yourself, “I just don’t want to let anyone down.”
Yet, the person you’re most willing to let down is you.
Your loyalty is beautiful.
It’s just not directed towards you.
Untrapped Truth: If you betray yourself more easily than you disappoint other people, you’re not fine. You’re trapped in misdirected loyalty.
So… How Many Hit?
Be honest.
How many of these 7 do you see in your life?
1–2 and they’re occasional? You’re likely in early awareness. Your system is starting to wake up.
3 or more, and they’re your norm? You’re not fine. You’re trapped.
5–7? You’ve probably been living like this so long it feels like a personality, not a pattern.
None of this is about shame.
You are not broken.
You are brilliantly adapted.
These patterns were your way of staying safe, loved, employed, included.
They worked.
They’re just too expensive now.
What Being “Trapped” Is Doing to Your Decisions
When you’re trapped, your decisions stop being about:
What you want
What’s true
What’s aligned
…and start being about:
Who will be disappointed
What looks responsible
What is least likely to create friction
You end up with:
Jobs you outgrew years ago
Relationships that run on obligation instead of real connection
Money decisions that keep you in survival mode, even when you don’t have to be there anymore
Trapped doesn’t always look like chaos.
Sometimes it looks like a life that’s “fine on paper” and quietly suffocating in practice.
What To Do If You Recognize Yourself Here
If three or more of these landed a little too hard, here’s the good news:
That uncomfortable recognition you’re feeling?
That’s Untrapped Curious.
That’s the part of you that is done pretending this is sustainable.
Here’s how to move from “I see it” to “I’m doing something about it”—without burning your life down overnight.
1. Admit where you are
You don’t have to announce it to anyone.
Just tell the truth to yourself:
“Right now, I’m trapped. I’m successful in public and stuck in private.
And I’m ready to understand why.”
That’s not drama. That’s data.
2. Don’t make this a solo project
This is literally why Get Untrapped™ exists.
Start in the Untrapped Curious phase:
Read: Get Untrapped™: What This Space Is (And What It Isn’t)
Read: You Called It Burnout. But You Were Grieving.
Read: You Know What’s Wrong—You Just Stopped Trusting Yourself to Name It.
Those three alone will give your experience language, context, and a roadmap.
3. Take the Trapped Archetype™ Assessment
When you’re ready, take the assessment and find your Trapped Archetype™:
Performer
Pleaser
Prover
Passenger
It’s not a label; it’s a lens.
It helps you see how you tend to get trapped, so you can stop being blindsided by your own patterns.
You’re Not Overreacting. You’re Overdue.
If you do three or more of these things, your system isn’t being dramatic.
It’s being honest.
You are not silly for wanting more.
You are not ungrateful for wanting different.
You are not “too much” for wanting a life you don’t have to abandon yourself to maintain.
You’re just early in the moment where you finally tell the truth:
“I’m not fine. I’m trapped.
And I’m ready to get untrapped—on purpose.”
That’s where this work begins.
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